Laura Murphy

conscious creativity

Croc Musings 

toothy violence

your smiling weapons

creature of the soul's swamp

how surprised I was to learn you are also a helper spirit

carrying me, transforming me, killing parts of me that need to die

the death ritual skull rattles

laughing at and awakening me

I'm not so fearful, scary monster

you're my raft to unwavering safety within

what grace I've been offered through you,

the condensation of your breath, the snapping of your jaws

I am a twig amidst your wrath

humbled and grateful for being so low

Seen by the Essene 

hello Holy Body Temple 

hello golden light pillar rooting me to the core of the Earth, extending upward into the Cosmos 

hello precious Angels of Air, Light, Earth, Water, Life, Love, Peace, Wisdom, Healing 

hello surrender, prostration, kissing the ground you walk on 

hello independence and intimacy with you standing beside me, your silent hand on my shoulder reminding me I am never alone 

hello Tesla's Coil of electric spirals cracking and popping to the beat of Mother's Heart Drum in the wake of the Dark Night 

hello clouds of spaciousness between inhalation, exhalation, and annihilation...perpetual drunkenness baptized in the palpable holiness of the spaces in between...you and me, you and me, nobody's baby, just you and me 

hello penetration of Light Photons tickling the backs of my eyelids, awakened by the One Who Never Sleeps 

hello guttural flutterings, leaves trembling, sweetness rippling, dominoes effecting 

hello streams of conscience sparkling, reflecting a desire map of stars singing me home to Kingdom Come  

hello Divine Presence in the Here And Now and faith in the ancient all that ever was and will be, which is a silky vortex I reverently nurture in my secret pocket of mystery 

hello Lovers and Travelers on the Paths of Righteousness, swimming the Seas of Eternal Return and Being 

hello Ancestral Family, you tender warriors floating timeless rivers of aging backward and dying forward  

goodbye delusion of separation; you are no longer my master...I do not serve you 

Tao of Dying

last night i dreamed i was haunted

today i woke up and died

without ambition

reconciled

embedded in a perfect, simultaneous alchemy of all of my selves

i served the ultimate, supreme, creative forces flowing, which is my one and only

True responsibility

and now i know i shall never haunt myself again...

tomorrow, if such exists, a celebration funeral

...you're welcome to come if you like...

America Happens Here: Alchemy and Synergy of Real

Dawning at birth

Real

Truth

Worth

Culminating, synergistic cooperation

Butterfly affect across the nation

Arise gentle wisdom

Turn our new Leaves of Grass

From seeds of compassion

Gestating and germinating

A peace enduring shall last

Alchemy, Hermes-Thoth, Rabindranath

Harmony in We

Curing collective Ennui and Plath

Universal a priori

On the stage of Montparnasse

The Maps We Drew

desert psychedelic blues celebration of vast liberation from sorrow

far-out above and beyond the beyond human folly and follicular obstacles of limited mammalian vision

primal rhizomatic wondering musing holistically

in solitude teachers educate our heart of hearts

expanding in unison tugging support strings balancing on galaxies

rooted inner worlds meaning absolute meaninglessness

quiet desperation to Live as we have feared to Live

for the vibrancy of color spectrums and crystallized continuums

blind believers into messy doers tripping on love

falling bowing woven whispering of fearless devotion

ruminating percolating reaching shaking grasping

dreaming Life into fragrant blossomed manifestation

the language of one cosmic breath at a time

perfectly imperfect and words can hardly explain how we feel

and the knowing supersedes anchoring the guttural feelings

missing the mark yet aiming anyway

crooked arrows pierce ecstatic hearts

we know where our desire guides us

even when we've forgotten the maps we drew together

are we willing to go there

have we faith in ourselves to risk perceived failure

we exclaimed smartly 'one day we will need these maps'

we thought we would outwit time but did we

or did time benevolently deceive us so we could learn our lessons

sand dunes slip listlessly through obsolete hour-glass receptacles

floating towards bottomless bed-rock pillows like feathers

in surreal thunder-storming lightening landscapes illuminate

feathers like snow-flakes each one unique trembling

they flutter gracefully seemingly with no direction like butterflies

journeying to the full moon circle dance ritual

lift up your hearts in mourning on this morning

all is well

the bigger picture sings resonates orchestrates cohesive elements

marches onward to the heart beat of the Earth drum

in concert in symphony in cacophony in order in chaos

no need to fear what is bigger than we

yet take heed when wandering in the desert on your vision quest

for the four directions bleed together like an oasis on a canvas

like pigments of a rainy-day mirage

 Odysseus: the Fourth Purpose

Noisy moon!

Our brain transforms order into chaos then reconstructs chaos into a new order like a sculpture of scavenged, sequined, skulls

like matrices manifesting mono-chords, magicians, and mountains of meaning

like a new order organically, beautifully, gently priming the status of the masses nestled sweetly in the grasses and the quo with Poe

while artists, lovers, contemplatives, seekers, sages and such chisel the paths of today towards a glorious tomorrow

...Hoorah, hoorah, la-la-la-la-la-dee-da

...let the foolery begin!

Don't be afraid to win, but if the fear feels queer make the decision to expand your vision with precision

Paint your impressions, heal your aggressions and instead of making concessions why not learn all the lessons and reap the blessin's

Noisy moon, anything worth doing is worth doing badly and we know we are not alone on our humble Hero's Journey

Together we stand, united triad of Man, Cosmos and Earth, worthy of our birth

Radiating gratitude for longitude and latitude

Now

Let us kneel on our knees to bless the honeybees, praise the trees, sing to the seas and kiss the disease

We the Real 

My identity uncertain yet certainly I am real

 That dark fire that is me held in secret caves of light and color

That dark fire that is me held in the rapture of still emptiness

 Time after time violence attempts to snuff my flame

Justifying its means to an end by stating that I am not real

 Collective consciousness,our strength to endure

A light within and without retracting and reeling

Great bursts of brilliant healing

 Touched by you, my life your own, and without you I would not be

This we project connects like synapses in the great matrix

 Must we recognize one another in order to be realized

 We who love and are loved exploring higher realms

Accepting we who are, we who have come to be, and that we will pass

We who wait for our awakening

Who’s sonic reverberations amplify

We who share the same breath while brooding

Sometimes silent, violent,looming

 Iconic barbarism in the temples

Murals depicting our demise

We hold the brushes all the while manifesting dreams

Pigments glowing, cracking while lacking lucidity

Brushes stroking soon to crumble walls and ceilings

 We collaborate in this massive design

then point fingers at those who we call the others 

 Daunted, missing the mark

and still wrath rains down on those who have no shelter

 I hold the vision that one sweet day

We will wash soiled daggers in the streams of enlightenment

 We will rest daggers in the Earth, finally the cessation of suffering

 We will cleanse and we will emerge

 Accepting together but no longer tolerating the intolerable

Relying on one another, our actions revealing

our collective truth to see and shine

That dark fire that is we who are willing to thrive

Abiding, observing, loving, grieving, transforming

 Wildfires of gratitude burning wilted crops of old to the ground

Nourishing the Mother weaving, waxing, waning

 Alone and ravenous, burn on dark fires

Burn and bless this human condition that we may harvest mindfulness

To share with all who are real

Keep Singing Beautiful Bird​

Keep singing beautiful bird for your song inspires me to sit quietly

acutely attuned to your peaceful message 

Your song reminds me to pay attention to the reflective prism of this magical moment and to my heart beating, giving, receiving metta in our Beloved Community 

Your song is a musically woven web of our heart/mind unity

Yours is the song of brothers and sisters who are the jewels in Mother Nature’s divine crown

Keep singing beautiful bird for your voice reminds me that even the tiniest beings matter so much

Each sparrow, each lock and curl of hair, each blade of grass, each ray of light each pulse of life

each dying breath in each being in this sentient Cosmos is accounted for

Nothing is too subatomic to exist 

Your voice reminds me that we help the Universe know itself 

Your voice channels ephemeral glimmers of hope and vulnerability in twinkling eyes which have seen so much, which see me to my core, which observe my eyes returning the same all seeing gaze 

Together we lift our gaze beyond horizons into infinite skies of liberation

   Keep singing beautiful bird for no one can imprison your song, for I hear you

Your voice reverberates in my heart and mind echoing up and down my spine

ringing in my blood and veins

 Your song is a torch in the dark night of the soul, is a compass in the relentlessly barren desert

is wind stirring the catatonic doldrums at sea

 Sing your song in my ear that I may hear, warming my heart frigid with fear

Penetrate my despair with your music and wipe the slate clean when my mind is cloudy with disgust and disappointment

 Keep singing that I may learn to praise rather than to criticize

to construct rather than to shred  

 Keep singing beautiful bird for yours is the song of the peaceful

who are the majority

 Anthems rise as we take back our power from the few troubled ones

and invite them to join the chorus

 Your song, your sweet innocence, rescues me from the confines of my mind Swoops me up and carries me away from the entrapment of mental records skipping and replaying hollow scratching narratives of past heart ache

Keep singing beautiful bird

may your song drown out the cries of my shattering ego

Drown out the cries of this violent ego of our collective consciousness

May your song of Morphic Resonance pierce and shatter this hall of mirrors

that we may surrender

no longer wandering the labyrinths of sorrow, struggle, and suffering   

 Keep singing beautiful bird

Keep breaking the silence and exposing the violence

Your song will never be muffled for truth is immortal and you transcend death

Divine grace is the song of Life

therefore we too transcend death through humble choice 

Your song is a spiral, a helix, a circle, a unified field

effortlessly thriving expanding and prodigally being   

 Life is a call and response to your song and conscious creation of

the Mysterious What Is 

Tenacious Life

Part One

Gratitude is my Highest expression

It is the most skillful way to connect with you 

 In the spark of a moment rich with love

I see compassion in Nature’s truth

All beings are provided for and may thrive in abundance

There is enough and we are rich

 I see kindness in a child who so willingly and cheerfully

through self-motivated generosity

shares with the child who is smaller than him

the child who runs behind the pack

 The wiser child was eager to uplift the little one

Perhaps that is why one sacred text reads

“Blessed are the meek and humble, for they shall inherit the Earth”

 What is it that helps me have faith in humanity

 It is the fact that Life, Love, and Compassion overflow freely in Nature

When we mindfully observe these attributes we can mimic and practice them

My faith in humanity resides in our essence

Truth

Nature is Truth

No matter how far we stray, we may always return

always

 Despite that we personify G-d in our own tiny image

We did not spawn from the rib of our own trite fantasies

 We are woven and undone by laws of the Multiverse within the Great Tapestry

  May we grow ever humble and grateful for bodies and ecstatic planes dimensions and human time frames

for all of our opportunities to experience true intimacy

 In the quiet stillness, I am ready to lay down my swords

my words, my thoughts, my struggle

 Life sparks and sprouts and climbs and expands before my eyes

All of my senses touched, for touch is my only sense

 The smell of the speed of light touches my nostrils and eyes

sending a message to my brain saying 'yes!'

beauty is a delicate cascade of flowers flowing

stretching for sun, breath and water'

 Light is pensive wildness in coyote’s eyes touching my eyes

the moment I open them after meditation

seeing before me the trickster of this rugged landscape

 Sound touches my eardrums, beats like a heart, like a butterfly

fluttering around the gentle face of a sleeping sun bather with warm, brown skin blessed by ten thousand kisses 

 Touch is the only sense

it is the soul alive in a body vehicle

A ghost in the machine converging with other ghosts in their machines

 Touch is love chiseling at today shaping a peaceful tomorrow

 Nature taps me on the shoulder and whispers a secret in my ear

 As a result I paint vivid portraits of creatures roaming

and blossoms blooming in my mind

 In stillness I look deeply, I discover the soul of a plant or mineral

beaming and pulsing as much as I

yet they will still be here to narrate the Earth’s story

after I am gone

long live the meek and humble 

 Life perseveres tenaciously in tectonic growth cycles

Life’s desire to infinitely generate supersedes passionate mediocrity

This desire lives and propagates itself through death and decay  

We are the Great Compost Pile

What an honor indeed

 May we take comfort in fertilizing the soil

sewing the seeds with our being

so the future may harvest the fruits of our love and concern

 May we remember that their wellbeing greatly depends on ours    

Part Two

 Your tenacious love, life, and dream

Channeling truth and righteousness like a mighty stream

Came from divine power 

 Power that does that which seemingly can not be done

doing for us what we can not do for ourselves

 Turning toward suffering you are a force of Nature

Unafraid to pass through the valley of the shadow of death

 If you do fear evil you are not consumed by it

I know it isn’t easy for you

even though you make following

one’s conscience look easy

You make it look like the options of remaining silent, complacent, and defeated are not options on the table when they always are

I know it isn’t easy for you

 Some of us glimpse at the blinding light of true humility

through blinking, dusty eyelashes, but we were slapped down

knocked to our knees, thrown from our high horses

 You, the shepherd, the Good Samaritan, the father, the son

and a truly Holy Spirit, weep

 On your knees you ask how you may be honored to serve humanity

You pray for deliverance, demand the end of slavery, and peacefully yet defiantly choose freedom and justice 

 You walk away from the past with dignity never looking back

for going back is not an option

You always move willingly onward down that thorny path

 You accept your responsibility and your fate as the will of G-d

as the will of a Higher Consciousness, a Higher Love

Somehow you make it look easy, like it is something we all can do

but I know it isn’t easy for you 

 I know each morning you’re still alive you greet the day in

gratitude praying for the strength to carry on

to seize the moment as if it were the last

and like Moses you guide your people to the promise land

 Who embodies such determination, purity, and courage to

invite the demons over to the house for tea

Who climbs a perilous mountain, gently carrying the weight of

this world as if it is as fragile and precious as a new born baby

 Who drowns out the shrieking hatred of secret societies by singing

“We Shall Over Come”

 Like a mantra, we shall over come

we shall over come

We have nothing to fear but fear itself

we shall over come

we shall overcome

 Who does this 

 One with an understanding of physics and fire and love does exactly this

 A sage tapped into the Wisdom of the Ages

 A sacred candle fearlessly burning from both ends

a torch, a bonfire igniting as many other fires as possible before transcending

before becoming the light of the world

and the suns and moons and stars and galaxies is who does this

 What kind of strength must one have to uplift this Beloved Community

to its self-realized, self-actualized status in the

great mystery and reality of the Godhead

 I know it isn’t easy but you muster up the strength and lift us up somehow

Being the yogi that you are rising above and beyond

greed, hatred and delusion

 You channel divine power and make it look like

it is something we all can do

 The long dark road you walk, the cross you bear

These metaphors make so much sense to me now

 You swim against the stream

chanting the ancient teachings

 If you knew you would die tomorrow

would you still plant your apple tree today

 I know it isn’t always easy for you to be courageous

to love with an open heart

to forgive

to have faith that we can heal

faith that the future can be better than the past

 I know your practice is excruciating at times

Walking in your shoes must be exhausting

Thank you

 Thank you for making it seem like something we all can do

and for showing us how it is done   

Letters to Uncle Ether

(see blog for the complete Letters to Uncle Ether)

what had you imagined? since you did not know me...

isn't the way one see's another and the world

really more about how they see themselves?

I don't see myself as fragile in the least...

no more than any other living being which will eventually die, in the body that is vulnerable, yes...that I am, unabashedly so perhaps

vulnerable to my own detriment, but that's better than the alternative

I do appreciate your care and concern for my wellbeing and wanting to be close and that you are learning how acute my sensitivities are...

I wish others could know that about me too, maybe they do...

but do they love me for it?

that's what I long for most as I am sure you can understand.

I see you as being very vulnerable, but fragile, not really...

you clearly want magic and depth and that says something about the sensitivity you possess...

I hope you are able to have your thirst quenched and

hunger satiated in "real" life... too...

but isn't that what all artists hope for?

isn't it why we must create art?

I see creativity and art as a paradox of escapism from and birth into some absolute reality which no one can ever know of despite how

honest we get with ourselves, others and Life...

we just have to accept that we don't get to know much even while

we possess a deep well of knowing...

do you see me as fragile because I said I do not see you as a "fair"?

that I actually look to our interactions as family members

and in our butterfly-ness, I'm actually learning to ground

into the world and reality more? 

I thought I had made it quite clear from the beginning that I sought attachment, creative and mystical yet wholesome?

I have an extremely high learning curve these days,

so I look for depth in those who are willing to go there...

and who will go there with an unwavering sense of responsibility as we go...

for that's the kind of empowered teacher and healer

I am learning to be for others...

people's hearts, minds and souls are extremely delicate

and in such profoundly different ways than the delicateness

of the body which dies no matter what...

our heart/mind/souls live forever...through continued conversation of sorts

so we all must learn to love one another better,

to take responsibility for the others' fragility

we all have to learn to take this seriously, to hold ourselves accountable for every thought, word and deed because Life is alive, every element, every detail is that real...

Superfluous

soothing sonic sensuousness seeping serenely

sinning sanctuaries, signing saviors, sleeping saints and sages

solidify scorched sandalwood sepulchres

saturation salvages serendipitous salutations and sacred semantics speak silently...superbly...surreptitiously

Bio-Poem

hetero, yet non-normative, feminist, white woman…member of Earth Tribe tenacious, intense, hyper-vigilant, precocious

well-intentioned and at times too tolerant

or is that called denial

black-sheep relative of privileged lineages

mixed with “wanna-be” and a few “real” Indians too

with the memory of diaspora, hate, violence, slavery, “cleansing”, and all ‘isms… deep in her bones and chemistry, for the history of hate permeates all beings regardless of their location on the spectrum of demoralization…

in our interconnected world no one can escape hate unmolested

yet, she must not claim too fervently her shock and brokenness

or her falling between the prescribed cracks of

normativity she unconsciously enjoys

for her whiteness is her unearned separateness

her unearned access to balms and bandages

while wound and scar-stories, even between sisters

are non-comparative and rightfully so

yet her biology, is her one-way ticket to othered division roles

a wet cloak of invisibility drapes over and

plasters to her like concepts of “naturalized” femininity   

born into, born as, born through, born on…

the operative word…a precarious “stage”

and through it all…somehow, she has the memory

of a primordial soup of sameness

interconnectedness and perfection of love…deep in her bones too   

a member of the Earth Tribe with a memory of oneness

we are not weaklings, we are Earthlings…

oh Divine, forgive our imperfect culture of We

teach us your ways of Love before we drown in sorrow

her add in the classified section could read

“non-color-and-differences-blind white woman seeks individuation and transcendence within a collaborative, cooperative heterogeneous, and empowered collective”

why?

because she can…

why?

because she must…

why?

because she can…    

why?

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